Ask Out of the Rain: How do I optimize my hobbies?!

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Dear Out of the Rain,

I really enjoy my free time and have a lot of hobbies. If I’m not at my job I’m usually working on some project or another.

I used to think of having so many hobbies as being a “jack of all trades,” but more and more it feels like I’m missing out because I never get really good at any of them. I have a hard time focusing on a single hobby or project because I’m always looking toward the next thing instead of what’s in front of me. I really enjoy learning new skills or trying something new. I’ve been getting more and more depressed by the idea that I might have wasted all this time I could have spent getting really good at just one thing, instead of being “okay” at a bunch.

How can I put blinders on so I can focus on just a single hobby instead of always jumping between them?

-Looking for Focus

Dear Focus,

Thank you for writing in! Hobbies are a great way for us to spend our free time unwinding and recharging our batteries, but they sometimes become another source of anxiety as we worry about how we can best optimize that limited “me time.”

In your question you’ve laid out two different paths: The “jack of all trades” and the “master of one.” The jack is someone who loves learning new things and having fresh experiences. The master, on the other hand, likes to take a single interest and dive in the deep end, honing and perfecting their skills over time.

My first point of emphasis is that either of these paths is a perfectly valid way to spend your free time! Neither is objectively more valuable or relaxing than the other.

It’s important to take a bit of time and decide which type you are. Do you love to hunt out unique experiences and push your comfort zone? Or do you prefer to practice and grind out skills to see impressive results from your labor?

After you decide, you will probably find yourself in one of two camps with your question.

You are a jack who feels they should be a master

Culturally, we place a heavy focus on being productive and competitive. This drive puts an emphasis on being the best above all else. This focus on skill mastery can be crucial when preparing for careers or job hunting, where having advanced skills and in-depth knowledge can give you a leg-up on the competition.

When we’re talking about our “me time” and hobbies, however, the main purpose is to provide a refuge from the stress that our careers and other pressures exert on us. Keep your eye on enjoyment!

If you do not love drilling and honing your skills in a particular hobby, then that should not be your focus!

Often this competitive pressure can come from comparing our results on social media. For example, if you’re interested in knitting, every intricate shawl and time-intensive blanket in your knitting Facebook group will make your basic scarf and glove set feel less impressive. It can be easy to feel like you’re wasting your time because your results don’t stack up to others. In reality, that intricate shawl is the culmination of probably thousands of hours of practice and repetition to get to that point. It’s okay to not want to dedicate to that grind! And it’s okay to be satisfied with a simple handmade scarf and gloves!

Taking space from social media when you feel overwhelmed and focusing on enjoying the activity and process itself can be a good way to ease up on that pressure.

You are a master that is struggling to maintain the level of focus you want

Maybe your greatest joy truly is mastering and perfecting a skill, or having impressive results to show off, but you keep getting distracted by other options.

Some people have a hard time narrowing down to a specific interest because of a fear of missing out (or FoMO) on the hobbies you didn’t choose. You also might find yourself putting a lot of time into a hobby your friends are really into, but you just don’t love yourself. Maybe there’s simply no one else in your social circles who are into the same things you are.

My biggest recommendation for masters looking to put the blinders on is to find a community of like-minded people. I’m certainly not advocating to send out a mass text breaking up with your current friends, but it’s important to be in touch with people who have similar interests to you. This can be a local meetup or even an online group such as a subreddit or discord server. By finding others who are looking to master the same skills, you can find encouragement and support in continuing your honing and perfecting.

Maybe you find yourself getting discouraged as the difficulty ramps up the more you get into a hobby, and end up giving up to move on to something else. If this is the case, then setting small, achievable goals can be a good way to stay motivated and focused on short term improvement.

For example, rather than setting an early goal of “make the perfect crème brulée!” a more manageable goal could be “learn how to use a butane torch in cooking.” Then after you have the perfect caramelization on the top but realize the custard underneath is inedible, your next goal can be “make a good custard.” Each of these smaller goals are less intimidating to tackle while still being another rung on the ladder to the top!

Recycle those boxes!

It’s also important to note that almost no one is firmly in one box or another. It’s helpful to think of aspects of ourselves as a spectrum, rather than stark black and white.

For example, many people might be a “master” but have 2 or 3 hobbies that they rotate between depending on mood or to take breaks and keep themselves refreshed. Others might be a “jack” with a dozen or more interests/hobbies, but 1 or 2 that they’ve put a lot of extra focus into and excel at.

Simplify the question!

With all that being said, the most important step is to narrow down what it is you love doing, and do it! If our main objective during free time is to relax, ask yourself “am I enjoying my time right now?” If the answer is yes, you’re relaxing correctly! If the answer is no, it might be time to think about why you’re not enjoying it and maybe look at other options.

Hopefully this advice can get you pointed in the right direction! Feel free to send a follow-up question after you’ve explored a bit!

If you would like to learn more about how Out of the Rain can help you navigate the challenges in your life, you can reach out at outoftherain.life/contact.

If you have a question you’d like to see answered in Baggage Check (or feedback/follow-up on today’s topic), you can submit it at outoftherain.life/ask.

-Kylyn