Ask Out of the Rain: 7 tips on making big life choices

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“I've got two offers to continue my education. One is generalized for my field of study and is low cost. The other is oriented to a specific career path and is free. The free offer is in a field that is more difficult to succeed, but I find more emotionally gratifying.

The big issue is, do I go with the career I like but don't love, or the one I love but has less guaranteed success.”

- At a Crossroads

Dear Crossroads,

First of all, what a brave step you are taking!

Making choices in life is hard, and when its something big, it can be scary and full of uncertainty and self-doubt. There’s no one right answer. While I can’t tell you which choice is right for you—going for practicality or following your heart—I can share some tools I’ve learned along the way that have helped me know what big choices feel right for me.

Ask: What makes a life worth living for me?

We all have different things we want or need out of life. Things that fill us up and make us feel good and safe. Maybe it’s freedom, security, creativity, passion, or adventure! For example, you have one choice that seem to focus on security, and another that sounds like it focuses on passion. Which one do you prioritize in your life more? The path we choose should keep these in mind and be headed there.

Make a pros and cons list

It’s a classic piece of advice for a reason! It can be confusing trying to hold all these things in your head. It is for me! I tend to go back and forth and it gets all garbled in my noggin. I find getting this piece out on paper helps me order my thoughts and makes future steps easier.

Ask: How will I feel about this choice in 10 years? 20 years?

I LOVE this for any choice I’m agonizing over. If a choice doesn’t matter in a couple years, I find it easier to go with my gut. When it’s a big decision that ripples into our future, it can be helpful to imagine how you will feel in different situations: Choice 1 vs Choice 2 but also, if things work out or don’t work out how you expected. Which one feels like a future that’s bearable and part of a life worth living for you?

Choice boxes: Imagine it and notice what your body says!

Ok, it’s really similar to #3, but for this one, you need to shut off the “logic” part of your brain. It’s been great so far. Helped us with some really rad, logical thoughts… but now it’s time for the other bits of your brain to weigh in. Pick two spots in the room. One represents one choice, the second is the other. Go stand/sit/lay/be in one. Close your eyes. Imagine you’ve made that choice. This is your life now. Now, turn your attention to your body sensations and your emotions. What do you notice? Great. Now, march your butt over to the other spot, rinse and repeat. Compare.

Let the what-ifs run free!

We often get told to stop ourselves from thinking about what-ifs. It’s true that they can sometimes run away from us, but they can also be amazing at finding some creative options or telling us how we feel about something. So let them run free a little bit and take notes! What if option X doesn’t work out? What comes next? Look at your pros and con’s list again. One of your choices might be more flexible and leave room for some of the things that you like about the other choice. i.e. What if you do option Y and use it to pay for things that you like about Option X? When I was looking at school choices, I had a similar situation. I ended up finding a more generalized program that was more stable but left room for me to reach for the things I wanted from the other programs. It was longer, but felt right for me!

Ask others who have made the choice

Another classic! Go and talk with folks that have picked one or the other. Learn about their experiences and what they might have done differently. Often they are a wealth of information that can help you flush out your options, get a clearer picture about what-ifs, and can help you learn if the picture you have in your head matches that choice. I ended up making a completely different choice then I had planned for after I tried this!

Last one! Talk with a professional

There are guidance counselors and life coaches for a reason! Sometimes it can be helpful to have someone from the outside help you explore your choices, order your thoughts, and be your cheerleader along the way!

It’s important to remember that there’s no one right choice. Either option can lead to a fulfilling life! Go with the choice that feels right for you based off the information you have at the time.

Hopefully some of these tools can help you explore and collect the information you need to feel good about that choice.

If you would like to learn more about how Out of the Rain can help you navigate the challenges in your life, you can reach out at outoftherain.life/contact.

If you have a question you’d like to see answered in Baggage Check (or feedback/follow-up on today’s topic), you can submit it at outoftherain.life/ask.

- Marie